2022 New Year's Resolutions from NotWilsonTheCat
Meow! This is Wilson--thoughts fully transcribed by Treat Daddy--and I'm ready to dive into my 2022 New Year's resolutions.
It's that time of year when hoomans vow to improve their lives. Weight loss, socialize more, feed me more treats. Why can't I do the same? After all, I'm most certainly not a cat!
Here are a few of my New Year's resolutions. If you're as late to this party as I am, feel free to steal some of my ideas.
#1 Become Taller
The downside of walking on all fours is that my height suffers. On a good day, I'm two feet tall. To impress the redheaded tabby cat on my street, I'll need to project myself as much taller.
Now, you might be thinking, how am I going to become taller? I'm already an adult! My last growth spurt was years ago. Don't you worry though, I have a few ideas.
Stretch More
My first idea is to stretch more.
This is not to improve my limberness. Nope. When I say stretch more, I mean fully arch my back so I look like the AT-AT Walkers in Star Wars. Or, and this one is Treat Daddy's favorite, levitate. This is when I pull my front legs towards my body and puff up, creating the illusion that my front legs have left the floor.
This one is resolution is a work in progress, so I'll get back to you on how well it works.
Gravitate To Taller Places
The best way to get taller is to appear taller.
For the longest time, I enjoyed my afternoons all cozied up on the end of the couch. I'd gaze out the window and watch the world go by. In 2022, I've realized this is no longer an effective approach to impress the lady felines *ahem* I mean ladies.
Mom and Treat Daddy recently placed this giant apparatus in our living room. They keep filling it up with stuff. Except, it's so big, there's still plenty of empty areas. My favorite area is directly below my treats. The first time Treat Daddy saw me, he was so impressed that he gave me treats! Since then, he's not been as impressed. But, if it worked on him, it'll definitely work on the redheaded tabby.
#2 Post More Frequently
A lot happened after my initial posts on here. I wasn't feeling myself. Plenty of other stressful things happened to Treat Daddy and Mom. As hoomans say, life happened. My 2022 New Year's resolution is to become more active. Weekly posts. Funny videos. Social media presence. I want to be the most popular cat, who's most certainly not a cat, as hoomanly possible.
How do I plan on achieving that? Bribing Treat Daddy with cuddles and Wilson time. Treat Daddy Disclaimer: Wilson time starts out great, but once he's had enough, he forgets to tell me and starts "biting"--only for Wilson time to then start again seconds later.
#3 Try More Hooman Food
In 2021, I learned that I love bacon, donuts, pulled pork, hamburger helper, fried rice, and chicken. In 2022, I want to try even more.
So far, I've tried teriyaki sauce. It went about as well as you can imagine. What else is on my list to try? Pasta, tacos, and cereal. Wish me luck on this one! I can't wait to experience fine delicacies.
#4 Explore The World Of Treats
Treats are the best part of my day. Treat Daddy is well trained.
Did you know that there's a whole world of treats to explore? I always ate chicken flavored. In the last month, I've tried turkey flavored, chicken and gravy flavored, and treats that made me calm. Oh, and both Gmas bought me these things called meaty bits. They're delicious. I'll admit, I was confused about them at first, but I've come around to the idea.
Final Thoughts
I predict that 2022 will be a great year. You heard it here first. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll achieve all of these resolutions. My promise to you is to update you on my resolutions throughout the year. And, I promise to fulfill my resolution of posting more frequently.
Until then, please check out some of my other posts and follow me on Twitter! @NotWilsonTheCat
